Running Ups and Downs

Tuesday was a Very Bad Day in my house. Very Bad Day. Yes, bad enough that it’s worth repeating.

I had mentioned on Sunday that I’d tried to run on Friday (my day off) but was unable to run more than a mile and a half without pain. I wasn’t willing to give up hope, though, and I decided I’d rest some more and try again the following week. I was not encouraged by my weekly weigh-in on Monday, however.

Up another .8, which puts me up three pounds in two weeks, not to mention dangerously close to my self-proclaimed “panic weight” of 117. 🙁

All day Tuesday, my knee was feeling pretty good. I spent the day at work, wearing tennis shoes instead of my dress shoes, and my knee almost seemed back to normal. On the way home from work, I just felt like that would be the night…like I could get on the treadmill and maybe run two whole miles before my knee hurt.

As soon as I got home, I changed into my running clothes and headed out to the barn. My husband and older son were doing their standard weight training (my husband seems to get as much joy out of it as my son, ha ha!). As they finished their training, I began my run. I decided I would go really slow so as to be very cautious, and walk at nine-tenths of a mile until I hit one mile, when I would run again.

Unfortunately, it didn’t go as planned. I barely made it to 9/10^th before I was desperate for a walk break. I walked the one-tenth of a mile as planned, then began running again, going even slower, nearly a 12-minute mile. I pushed on for another half a mile, but I couldn’t make it farther before walking. I walked another tenth of a mile and then tried one more time to run, but by that time, the pain in my knee was unbearable.

At this point, my husband and son had gone back into the house, and I was alone in the barn. When I got to a little over 1.75 miles, and my knee hurt so badly, I knew that was it. Suddenly, the reality sunk in and I stopped the treadmill, leaned over the display, and just sobbed. I knew at that point that there was just no way I was going to be able to do my half-marathon in just 11 days. I cried for several minutes. Yes, I was pretty pathetic, I’ll admit, but it was such a horrible feeling…to have worked so hard for ten weeks and then to have it all be for naught due to something so unexpected and so uncontrollable.

I stood there crying for another few minutes and, as per the usual, my knee pain began to dissipate. And then, also per the usual, I had those “hopeful” thoughts. “Maybe I can do this,” I thought. “I could try one more time to run a little bit and see if it feels better.” At that exact moment—no lie—the door to the barn suddenly blew open. Does the door always shut perfectly? No. Was it a really windy day? Yes. But I do believe in signs, and at that moment, I knew God was telling me, “Enough! Get off the treadmill and go in the house—you’re done!”

So I grabbed all my stuff (still sobbing, mind you) and trudged back to the house. I walked through the kitchen (yes, still crying) past my stunned husband and climbed up the stairs to go lie down and wallow in my self-pity for a while. I cried for at least 20 minutes, just lying in my bed. My youngest son came in and tried to ask me what was wrong, but I told him to just leave me alone for a while. (I did later make sure to tell him I really appreciated his concern.)

My oldest was not around to witness my total breakdown, but my husband…well. He’s my husband. 😛 I think he’s a typical man in that he doesn’t really know what to do with a crying woman. 😉 He actually didn’t do anything…he just continued making dinner while I felt sorry for myself. Well, I guess he did do something productive—he made dinner. 😛

It was hard to make that decision to give up the half-marathon. Anyone who has trained for anything knows what a difficult choice that is to make. Ten weeks of training, with countless runs in the snow, 4:30am wake-up calls, freezing cold fingers after long runs…well, you get it. It was so hard to come to terms with the fact that all that hard work was for naught. The truth is, while the training I completed was ten weeks long, I had spent much more time planning for this half-marathon. It was back in October, as I was training for the Free Press marathon relay, that I began to think about doing this Martian half marathon in April. Even after I finished the relay, I still ran consistently three times a week for the rest of the year, because I knew I was going to do this half-marathon.

So in reality, it’s more like six months of planning and training has gone down the drain. And that really sucks.

But…it is what it is. It would be foolish of me to try to run 13.1 miles next Saturday. It just hurts too much, to the point where I know it would be a miserable experience. And the last thing I want for my first half-marathon is a miserable experience!

On Thursday, I started calling doctors’ offices to make an appointed to have my knee looked at. The first appointment I set was for May 13^th—for real?! I told the lady if I just didn’t run between now and the appointment, it would be healed. *eyeroll* I called around some more, and found someone who could get me in within two weeks, and then, because God obviously decided I’d had enough punishment, the lady on the phone stopped our conversation in the middle of getting my insurance info to announce, “Oh my gosh, I just had a cancellation pop up on my screen for 9am tomorrow! Can you make it?” You’d better believe I could!

So yesterday, I saw a doctor of sports medicine. The diagnosis: Iliotibial Band Syndrome, also known as IT Band Syndrome. You can read about it all over the Internet. Because I’m a visual person, here’s a picture of the area in question:

Source: http://www.emedicinehealth.com/iliotibial_band_syndrome/article_em.htm

Note the area indicated as “area of pain.” Yeah, that’s it.

The doctor prescribed physical therapy, stretches I can do at home, and…no running for two weeks. (Actually, he said “two to four weeks,” but I kind of ignored that second part.) Since I’ve already been off running almost completely for 2 weeks already, you can imagine that this was very sad news for me. 🙁 However, as much as it’s going to kill me, I know that I need to be smart and not push myself too soon. The more I let it rest, the better chance it will heal completely.

Another piece of divine intervention came when I went to schedule physical therapy…since I was willing to do it as early in the day as possible, I was able to get an appointment at 7am this coming Monday. This means leaving my house at 6am to get to the appointment on time, but I figured that I have been getting up before 5am for training runs for the last 3 months, so this shouldn’t be much different. And hopefully the sooner I start, the sooner I will heal!

So now, I just sit around and wait. I’ve gotten beyond the “my life is ending” stage and am finally moving to acceptance. In fact, on the way to work yesterday, I was even able to come up with a list of good things about not running.

Positive things about not running

1. Well, clearly, I’m not in pain, since the pain only occurs when I run. Lack of pain is kind of a big bonus.
2. I can drink more wine. Yes, that’s a questionable positive, I know. 😉 But I found during my training that I couldn’t drink even a small amount of wine the night before an early morning run because I felt “off” the next morning. So now—wine every night! 😀 (In my defense, even now, I rarely drink a full glass of wine—those points still add up, especially when I’m not running them off!)
3. More sleep. I don’t have to get up before 5am anymore.
4. Good hair. When running four times a week, I had to wash my hair every other day. I have found my hair looks better when I allow some of the oils to build up after a few days instead of constantly washing them out (sounds gross, but it’s not). So…I’ve had really good hair the last couple of weeks. See? 
   
    
5. Catching up on other things in my life. Although I haven’t actually started it yet, I do have more time to devote to DS#2’s hockey video. I also recently discovered Downton Abbey, but I never had time to watch it. I do now…

Of course, with positives, there are negatives.

Negative things about not running

1. More restless sleep. All that running made me so tired, I fell asleep the minute my head hit the pillow. Now, I’m getting more hours of sleep, but I’m waking up several times a night.
2. Not earning any activity points. Which of course means I have to eat less. And that, by the way, is hard!
3. According to my eldest son… “You’re less happy.” No lie, that’s what he said.

Oh, and the most negative thing about not running is…

4. I’m not running!!

I guess if there is one bright spot to all this, it’s that I now finally realize that I am a real runner. Prior to this injury, I didn’t totally feel like a true runner, but more like a person masquerading as one. Now, however, I know that I am, because this whole “not running” thing is driving me batshit crazy!!

Thanks for reading my continuing saga. I appreciate the support and promise to try not to drive you all crazy over the next two weeks with my whining. 🙂