Parenting Is Hard. Parenting a Runner Might Be Harder.

Jamie’s last 10k of the year is this Sunday, just a scant two days away. He is running the Chocolate Run, which is put on by the same running company as his first two 10ks. This company (Kona Running) had a new “Triple Crown” series this year: if a runner ran each of their three “signature” 10ks in 2013, they not only received a medal for each race, they received a cool “Triple Crown” medal. (You can see it here.)

When he ran the Shamrock Run in March (his first-ever 10k), he was so excited about running the other two to get the special medal. He loves medals. (What can I say? He’s a kid.)

Unfortunately, as I’ve mentioned previously, even though he ran the Kona 10k in June (race #2 in the series), he was unable to run the third run because we were at a hockey tournament. 🙁 He was bummed, but he agreed to do the Chocolate Run, another race put on by the same company, even though it doesn’t qualify for the medal. (This is the first year of this run, so while he doesn’t qualify for the Triple Crown, he will get a cool “inaugural” medal!)

Last Friday night, Jamie had 5 miles on the schedule for his last “long” run before the 10k. Truthfully, although we’ve been trying to keep him to a schedule, it’s been hard this fall with all the hockey and football. I couldn’t in good conscience make him run when he was so busy with other strenuous activities. Football ended a few weeks ago, though, and Jamie has been pretty good about doing his runs since then.

Friday was tough, because his dad had unexpected legal business to take care of all day and they didn’t get home until 5pm. But Jamie was insistent that he do his long run…and not on the treadmill, either. Unfortunately, the sun is setting really early now, and that meant he’d be running at least part of his 5 miles in the dark.

But he did it. He started out on the road just before dusk, with my husband following close behind in his truck. When I got home from work, I took over for my husband, and Jamie ran the entire 5 miles, ending when the moon was out.

I won’t lie, I love that second shot. It really shows his dedication…if not my stellar parenting skills. 😉 Thankfully, we have plenty of quiet roads around that have little traffic, and with me right behind him in the car, lighting the way, he was able to get it done. He even sprinted at the end (like he nearly always does, lol!). I was really proud of him.

He’s been working hard to train for this final race, but unfortunately, as it turns out, Jamie also has hockey games scheduled this Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon. Oy. Based on this, and the fact that both are league games, I decided several weeks ago that we’d take it easy for the Chocolate Run. I knew he’d be very tired after running six miles, so I’d already told the coach he might have to sit him some shifts on Sunday, but I figured we could run it very easy, walk often, and basically just finish it so that he could get the medal. (And the chocolate, lol!)

But of course, kids never make things easy on you. Monday, on the way home from school, Jamie surprised me by bringing up the race. “I’m really excited about Sunday.”

“Why? What’s Sunday?”

“The race, Mom! I’m excited to have a really good run.”

“Really?” I was surprised, since he hadn’t talked much about the race itself before this.

“Yeah. Remember when I ran that 5 miles Friday night? I felt really good when I was done. I ran that whole thing!”

I smiled but kind of waved him off. “Well, don’t get too worked up about it. You have a lot going on this weekend, so you don’t need to be busting your tail Sunday morning. We’ll just go out and have fun.”

After that, the conversation was dropped. However, Tuesday night, on the way home from hockey practice, Jamie was quiet for a while before he suddenly spoke up.

“Mom,” he began in a firm voice. “I want to run my best race ever on Sunday.”

I thought I heard him wrong. “I’m sorry…what?!”

“I want to have a PR on Sunday.”

“You mean, you want to run faster than you did at Kona?”

“Yep.”

“But you ran a 10:13 pace at Kona. Under what were pretty much perfect conditions!”

“I know.”
“Jamie, we’ve talked about this. You have a hockey game on Saturday and Sunday. If you run all-out Sunday morning, you won’t be at your best for hockey.”

“Yeah, I might have to sit a few shifts on Sunday. But I’ll be okay.”

How does one argue with an 11-year-old who thinks he can do everything?? I personally don’t know. So, I tried a different tact.

“Okay,” I said slowly, “why do you want to try to beat your best time on Sunday?”

“To prove to people that I can.”

This surprised me. “Who exactly do you think doubts that you can do it?”

“You.”

Whoosh. That was the sound of all the air leaving my body as I realized my son thought I had no faith in him. Considering I’m his biggest supporter by far, especially when it comes to running, I was astonished. But then I thought back to the last several weeks of our conversations regarding this race. Every time we talked about it, I told him he didn’t have to “worry” about running hard, he didn’t need to try to “beat any records,” he could just “run it for fun.” Here I thought I was giving him a “pass” on this race, and yet it never occurred to me in all that time that he didn’t want to have a pass!

I stressed about this for the next two days, unsure what to do. Did I want him to have his best race ever? Sure. But did I want him to play in two hockey games the same weekend? No. Still, they’re league games, so I didn’t feel justified in having him skip games without a good reason. I tried to convince Jamie to back off on his goal for the sake of the team, but he just kept telling me he could do both. I knew he was torn. I couldn’t blame him…it’s hard to be selfless in those instances sometimes. Especially when you’re eleven, right?

Eventually, I told him that he needed to have the conversation with his coach—by himself—to decide what he would do. I told him if the coach was willing to let him sit for part or all the game on Sunday, I would help him try for his personal best. But if the coach said he really needed to be at 100% or close it for the game, that he would have to make a choice.

I’m grateful that Jamie’s coach is both a good guy and a good coach. Jamie went up to him at the last practice, all by himself, and told the coach that he was running a 10k on Sunday (which his coach already knew) and that he really wanted to try to run his best race ever that day. His coach was very supportive and encouraged him to do just that. The coach also said that he would be willing to play Jamie very little or not at all on Sunday, depending on how he was feeling and on what he (the coach) observed. It made me feel really good to know that while Jamie’s coach is pretty serious about the hockey team, he also cares about the kids on the team and wants them to do their best—in everything.

I was also very proud of Jamie for having the courage to approach the coach alone and have the discussion. When I talked to him about it afterward, he was very nonchalant, saying it was no big deal. (“It was only a 30-second conversation, Mom!”) I could see that taking this big, mature step was a real confidence-booster for him. (Okay, okay, I won’t lie…I cornered the coach after practice and asked him about the conversation; we had a good chuckle over how serious Jamie was throughout the whole thing. 😉 )

So now, all that’s left is for me to do my best to help Jamie get to a PR on Sunday. Am I nervous? You betcha! The Kona run was a pretty amazing feat for him, and I really don’t know how he’ll do at the Chocolate Run. I’m worried about what will happen if he doesn’t beat his 1:03:18 time. That’s probably why I was so eager to make this a “fun” run for him in the first place—I don’t want him to be disappointed in himself. Still, I’m trying really hard to tell myself that life is full of disappointments, and that he needs to learn that, similar to the way I did in Chicago last September.

But you can bet I’m going to be spending the next two days planning race strategy and calculating splits for a 1:03 finish! 😉

Thanks for reading. I’ll try to report back on Sunday!