Food Pushers

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I mentioned in my last post, when I lamented about the fact that I had only lost a fraction of the 4 pounds I gained over Thanksgiving, that I didn’t have any meals out planned this week. But I kind of forgot that we had a department Christmas lunch on Tuesday. 😮 We went to the same place we went last year, which is the Schoolcraft college culinary institute restaurant. It’s one of those places where they set the menu that morning, and you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. 😉 Basically, they serve whatever they’re teaching that day, so it’s kind of a crapshoot. You can read more about the basic premise of the restaurant from last year’s post.

When I got the menu, I was a little overwhelmed.

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All I really wanted was a salad. I had gotten a salad last year, and I figured they had to at least have one. It was hard to decipher all the foreign words, but it seemed like the only salad was the first item, which included tuna. I was a bit worried about what some of those other things in the description were, so I actually pulled out my phone and looked a few up, determining that endive and green beans were included in this  “salad.” OK, green beans seem a little odd for a salad, but I’ll give it a try. 

And, here’s what I got:

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Ummmm… 😮 OK.  Sure, it’s beautifully colorful and all, but, it wasn’t exactly I expected. I didn’t want to seem rude, and I knew I didn’t really have any other options, so I ate two thirds of it, although I picked off all the olives, which still had the pits. (Question: when someone brings you a plate that includes about 18 olives, and they all have pits, what is the polite way to deal with them? It seems kind of gross to chew around the pit and then leave it on your plate?! Especially when there are so many!) 

There was a bread basket, of course, but I rather proud of myself for only having half a small piece.

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After everyone finished, it was time for dessert, of course. If you didn’t read last year’s post, just know that dessert is pretty much the main course of this meal. As you walk in the door, they have a whole bar of desserts, just staring at you, calling your name. Oh, maybe that’s just me? 😉 

I took pictures of all of them, just because you really have to see them to fully grasp the enormity.

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And then, after I looked through them all, I chose…none.  Bam! How’s that for willpower? I wanted one, but I was really intent on doing better this week, and I knew that one of those desserts was not in my best interest.

Because I am known for my love of desserts and especially chocolate, there was a great deal of surprise at my table over the fact that I didn’t order one. One of my coworkers, we’ll call him Joe, ordered the Bavarian chocolate torte. It was lovely, and when he saw that I had nothing, he offered me a bite. I politely declined, but he kept offering. What you have to understand is that “Joe” and I have gotten fairly close this year, and we kind of have a brother-sister thing going, which means we pick on each other a lot. He was really working it, too, giving it to me pretty good, and I finally just grabbed a fork and took the tiniest little shave off the edge to shut him up. He looked a little miffed that I hadn’t taken very much, and when he finished about half of it, he pushed the plate my way. 

By this time, everyone else had finished their dessert, and they were all staring at me, sitting with no plate in front of me. When Joe pushed his plate toward me and told me to have some more, the rest of them started in. “Come on Steph, you know you want some.” “You have to have dessert.” “You love dessert, Steph, just have it.”  They just wouldn’t stop!

Damn food pushers. I know they mean well, because they all do know that I love dessert, but dammit, I didn’t order one for a reason!  I’d like to think that I’m immune to temptation, but it was really, really hard to sit there and listen to them, watch them all looking at me, and have that desert sitting in front of me. 

And then, my boss, of all people, reached across the table to hand me a fresh god d*mn spoon. >:(

In a moment of both weakness and frustration, I gave in. I grabbed the spoon and took three bites of the dessert before pushing it away, saying I really was full. Which of course was a lie, I wasn’t full at all, since my salad has been so unsatisfying, but a Bavarian mousse torte was not what I wanted! They all complained and admonished me for not having more, but I just kept quiet and luckily, the waiter came around with our checks, so I was saved from having to fight them off again.

Seriously, what is with people and the need to push food on someone who has indicated more than once that they don’t want it?! I have always loved to bake and giveaway food, but if somebody says to me that they don’t want it, I don’t push the issue.  Mostly because I know how it feels to be on that side of the fence. :/

I was so frustrated and mad at myself for giving in, even for just three bites. 🙁 I had set my mind not to have dessert, and I was so proud of myself for NOT getting one, but then I felt like I was in the middle of a military battle, surrounded and heavily outnumbered!  And then, when I did give in, I felt like I was on display, because everyone was watching me eat those three bites of torte.  It was embarrassing and even a little demoralizing. 🙁

And yet, my coworkers are great people, and I really like them. I just wish they would understand that although I am fairly vocal about how much I love sweets and desserts, and usually never turn one down, if I DO turn one down, there’s a reason.

Last month, I had an anniversary that I let slip by, because I had a lot going on and didn’t have time to write a full post about it. That anniversary was on November 21, and it marked five years since the day I took the last “first step” in getting healthy. I remember it vividly: it was a Monday, like so many times before when I’d tried, but it was just three days after I had seen my friend Katie on the Dr. Oz show, celebrating her large weight loss.    I remember thinking that if Katie could lose 100+ pounds through just diet and exercise, I could certainly lose the last few pounds I needed to. 

Five years later, I’m proud to say that although I’m not exactly where I would like to be, I’m within about 5 or 6 pounds of my goal, and I’m still several pounds underneath the Weight Watchers goal for my height and age. I’m about 25 pounds lighter than I was then, and I’m also 75 pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest 15 years ago.  I think almost 5 years of maintenance probably signifies that I am, indeed, a weight-loss success.

And yet, as this little dessert incident shows, successful maintenance does not  mean life is easy post weight-loss. I’ve discovered that it isn’t easy at all. It’s a constant struggle, every day, and sometimes every hour within the day. I have come to determine that “maintenance” is really a misnomer. I don’t feel as though I’m maintaining anything. I feel as though I’m constantly struggling to get back to where I want to be, or, in those few moments where I’m at goal, a struggle to stay where I want to be.  If someone were to ask me to describe in one word what it’s like to successfully lose and keep off a large amount of weight, my answer would be simple: “work.” Because I work at it every single day. I get up at 4:30 in the morning to run, I spend hours planning meals so I’m not tempted to go out and eat crap, and I fight a constant battle with food. Make no mistake: it totally sucks.

And yet…it is 1000 times better than the alternative, which I have also lived through. And so I do it, putting forth the effort every day, because I like the way I am now: healthy, active, and trim (I don’t like the term skinny, nor do I feel that way).  I like the “new” me enough to do the work it requires to stay that way.

If you are a person who is either trying to lose weight and become healthy, or a person who is trying to stay that way, I hope that as you work through this holiday season, you remember that as difficult as it is, it really is worth the effort. Even if you slip up a few times (like me), in the long run, you will be so happy that you stayed the course.

And that’s it for my holiday motivational post… or something! 😉 

Thanks for reading!

2 thoughts on “Food Pushers

  1. Kitty

    Really great post. And, wow, that’s a lot of desserts! I am pretty sure I would have skipped the entree entirely and just had chocolate for dessert… I am actually in awe of you managing to just have 3 bites.

    Food pushing annoys me too. I don’t mind someone offering, but I don’t get it when they can’t take no as a complete answer. I don’t know, in that situation I would probably just say that I’m watching my weight after Thanksgiving and am going to pass on dessert this time (although maybe that is a little harder to do when it is the boss handing you the spoon). Given the situation, though, I honestly don’t think you could have reasonably done better. I’m sure those few bites make no real difference in your working on losing those 4 pounds. I know that wasn’t being perfect, but perfection is usually hard to come by. And, that goes for weight loss too. I think sometimes we are all prone to see where we have fallen a bit short rather than always seeing the huge progress we’ve made. Even if you think you could be a few pounds lighter, that is very insignificant compared to 75 pounds you have lost.

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  2. Cindy R

    I get so discouraged with “dieting” or trying to eat a healthy, well-balanced diet. Some days I feel like I’m a hamster on a treadmill with the carrot dangling in front of me or like an alcholic refusing a drink. It is a never ending battle. I am physically fit because I exercise and once I get in the mind set and focus I can control my food, but if I start with a piece of candy, a cookie, chips, a slice of cake, etc., it is if I “fall of the wagon” and go through a cycle of badness before I am able to cut back on the sugar and junk foods. Looking at your photos I identified at least four desserts I would have loved to sample. If you had a health problem, your co-workers would never have pushed you to eat a piece of cake, I’m sure they mean well, but. . . .

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