Stretch Marks

It’s a four-day weekend for me this holiday!  Since my kids were off school today, I took the day off work and hung out with the boys.

DS#1 is still training for his 10k next month, although he got a bit behind in his training last weekend when he had so much baseball and hockey.  I couldn’t in good conscience make him run 4.5 miles after all that! On Wednesday, I ran two miles before his dad brought him home from DS#2’s baseball practice. (Two really fast miles, actually–I had a 9:04 pace!!) I then ran 3 miles with DS#1, up and down the road. It was quite warm (70 degrees at 7pm), but he did just fine with only two short breaks.  I was very proud of him!

Today, he was scheduled to do a two-miler, and I agreed to ride my bike alongside. Talk about a difference in conditions, though…

We went from 70 degrees to 49 degrees! You can see he’s all bundled up for this run, which was at noon.  I had gloves on while I rode my bike!  He did a great job on this run, slow and steady, averaging a 10:37 pace, which is just fine for him.

After a work conference call (not quite a “day off,” I guess), I took the boys into town so we could buy some accessories for our long runs.  I have an 11-mile run tomorrow (eek!) and DS#1 has his upcoming 10k, and we both agreed that the hand-held water bottles are really a pain.  In addition, we decided that we want to get some “fuel” to help give us a shot of energy during our long runs.  So, I splurged and bought both a hydration belt (with two water bottles) and some gels (Cliff blocks for him, Gu for me).

I think I’m ready for my long run tomorrow! I had never tried Gu before, but I bought the 10-pack of chocolate and peanut butter because I figured if I didn’t like them, DS#1 would. (Typical growing boy–he eats anything!)  I didn’t care for the peanut butter, unfortunately, but I decided that the chocolate ones were a little bit of heaven on earth! 😉  They taste just like chocolate frosting. Which I love! I tried it in the car when we left the store, and I must have looked pretty silly sucking the stuff out of the pouch in delight. 😉  However, it wasn’t until after 3 more errand stops that I got home and discovered I had chocolate Gu all over my chin. Why the boys didn’t tell me, I don’t know… 😛

I did have one other “new” item come today, actually two, but I’m taking one back.  About a month ago, I saw some pictures of a friend and fellow hockey mom that she shared online which really impressed me: it was shots of her on vacation with the family in Mexico, and in most of the pictures, she was wearing a bikini.  I was so impressed…I haven’t allowed a photograph of myself in a bikini to be taken since…well, maybe never?!  Okay, maybe when I was a small child.

Now, granted, she has a lot of positives that I don’t (toned abs and tanned skin for starters), but just the fact that I know she’s around my age, and has kids just like me, made me really impressed to see her being so fearless about showing off her lovely self.  I’ve worn a bikini the last couple of years for sunbathing, but only on my deck, and not when any cameras are nearby. But after seeing her picture, I decided that it was time I be more “public” about my body.  I am not perfect by any stretch, but I look much better than I did just four years ago, and about 1,000 times better than I did 13 years ago.  So, I splurged and ordered two bikinis, from the one and only Victoria’s Secret, and they arrived today.

The easiest way for me to decide between the two was to be photographed in both so I could really study how they looked on me.  So, despite the fact that it was 50 degrees (!!), I went outside and let DS#1 (gulp!) take photos of me, and then I studied the pictures.

I  discounted the green one immediately (note that I choose a different bottom than what was in the picture linked).  It was too tiny and I didn’t care for the color.  I like green a lot, but this one just wasn’t for me.

I was much happier with the second one.  It was a little more fancy than your average swim top, with a little bit of sparkle to it.  It also felt more comfortable, with a little more coverage both top and bottom.  I definitely decided this one was a keeper.  I’m excited to have a new bathing suit–one that actually fits! 🙂 (The bikini I bought last year is too big!)

Half the reason why I decided to buy a new bikini was to finally jump that hurdle and put a picture of myself in a bikini on public display.  I looked over those pictures quite a bit today, debating whether or not I would actually post either of them.  I cannot tell you what an agonizing decision that was.  But, every time I started to waffle, I thought about my hockey mom friend and how great she looked in her pictures, and yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if she sees all kinds of flaws in herself when she looks at them.  I know that we are most critical of ourselves, and the truth is, we are all beautiful–no matter what our size!

So, without any further ado…

Yep, that’s me!  (With lots of watermarking to hopefully ensure that no one takes this very personal picture of me to use elsewhere without my permission.) I will admit I did alter it a bit, but just normal photo edits like changing white balance, altering the colors a little, and a bit of skin smoothing (it was weird to smooth the skin on my whole body, not just my face, lol!).  One thing I debated about was whether to digitally remove my stretch marks.  My stretch marks are a story in and of themselves.

For most women, stretch marks are a sign of childbirth.  Not for me.  I very clearly remember when I first noticed my stretch marks.  I was 13 years old, and it was actually my mom who noticed them.  I was wearing a two-piece suit, and my mom looked over at me and exclaimed, “Stephanie! You have stretch marks!”  I had no idea what those were, so I just said, “Um, ok.”  But my mom was really concerned.  “Women get those when they have babies becuase their skin stretches as their stomachs get bigger.” I’ll never forget the look on my mom’s face when she lowered her voice and said with such clear concern, “You’re not supposed to have stretch marks when you’re 13 years old.”  That was the moment I truly realized that I was not like all the other, skinnier girls.

So, while I definitely hate my stretch marks, they are mine and they’re a part of me, whether I want them or not. Considering that I’ve had them for almost 30 years, it wouldn’t seem right to make them magically disappear for one photo, when the truth it, they’re never going to disappear.  Thus, you get to see all of me, the good, the bad, and the stretchy. 😛

Besides all my flaws (which I am really, really biting my tongue to refrain from mentioning here!), don’t you just love that bathing suit?  It makes me feel really good to wear it, and after all, isn’t that the whole point??

I have family coming to visit this weekend (yay!!), plus I still have one last photo project I’m doing, so you’ll have to wait until Monday to hear about my 11-miler. 🙂 Meanwhile, thank you all so much for reading and being supportive!