Emotional Running

On Wednesday night, I did something I haven’t done in 17 years.

I gave blood!  I have been a big supporter of regular blood donation since I was a teenager, and was actually in charge of the blood drive at my company when I was deferred from donation in 1996. It’s a long story, and the bottom line is I should have never been deferred in the first place, but I was finally cleared to donate again late last year.  It was a good feeling to donate, but I will say that a lot of things have changed in 17 years.  The cookies aren’t nearly as good, for one thing. 😉

I wasn’t a very active person the last time I gave blood, so I was surprised when they informed me that no, I would not be able to run the next morning as planned. 😛 I waited the required 24 hours and ran Thursday night, with the intent to do 2.5 miles on the treadmill.  However, I found that I just wasn’t feeling “right” during the run, so I decided that instead of pushing myself and possibly causing more issues, I would stop at 2 miles. That still put me at 13 miles for the week, which was decent for me!

I felt better Friday morning, and Friday was a good but busy day at work.  Friday night was, however, awful.  It’s not worth going into, but suffice it to say I was having some relationship issues with a family member that left me drained after a long evening of crying. (No, it was not my husband; he is my rock that I lean on in times like these.) I didn’t finish my dinner, went to bed early, but still slept horribly. This was probably the worst kind of evening I could have had before a planned run with two of my friends who also happen to be my running inspirations!

I invited three of my running friends to run with me Saturday morning for my last “long” run before I begin half-marathon training.  One friend couldn’t make it, but Renee and Katie were up for it.  I was especially excited to run with Renee for the first time.  Renee and I have known each other for many years, and she and her husband were the ones that really helped push me over the final hurdles when I was trying to decide if I wanted to be a runner. (You can read about their support of my first 5k as a runner in this post.)

I know Renee is quite an accomplished runner, and I had been putting off running with her until I felt a little more confident in my abilities. Katie had run with me a few times, and although she is much faster than me, our previous runs had given me the confidence that I wouldn’t be slowing her down so much as to make it a miserable experience for her. 😉 But after last week’s sub-10 five-mile run, I felt like I might even be able to run with Renee without it making her want to claw her eyes out. LOL!

And of course, on the day we chose to run together, I had a terrible run! 😛

For me, those numbers are not very good at all. I can’t remember the last time I felt so drained at the start of a run, and it never got any better.  Naturally, my friends were willing to go at a pace comfortable for me, and I started out fast, but slowed down quickly because I could just feel that my body was not “there,” if you know what I mean.  It seems so crazy that just a week earlier, I was cruising down the road, feeling great and running at a sub-10 pace, and yet, one week later I was running in the 10:30s and struggling. To be honest, it felt surreal, like I was trapped in some other runner’s body–this couldn’t be me running so poorly and feeling this awful!

After we hit mile 3, I simply had to stop and walk for a tenth of a mile.  It was almost embarrassing, to be honest, because it’s been months since I had to take a walk break on any of my runs! I’ve run 8 miles non-stop! But on the other hand, I knew that if I didn’t take a break, I might end up keeling over into the swamp. And that would probably not encourage Renee or Katie to run with me again. 😛

I know that my friends would probably laugh about all this, because of course they don’t run with me to PR. 😉  The truth is, they run with me because they are my friends, and in times like these, the camaraderie and companionship are just as important as the run, if not more so.  And despite how awful I felt for that run, it was the wonderful conversation we had in that 57 minutes that truly uplifted me. We talked about all kinds of things, and when I was ready, I told them about my issue from the night before. Renee and Katie listened to my troubles and offered advice and just plain support, and that was the best solution to my problems I could have asked for.  And then, we talked about other things, which helped tremendously in getting me to focus on something other than my problems!

When the run was over, I felt better about a lot of things, and, as an added bonus, I had earned 8 Weight Watchers activity points in the process! 🙂  That was a hell of a lot better option than trying to eat my troubles away, which I can assure you I have done many times in my past. Emotional eating was a way of life when I weighed over 200 pounds! I definitely think that “emotional running” is a much better option.

Besides the great conversation I enjoyed and the activity points I earned, it was also a beautiful run.  We started just before dawn, and were blessed with a beautiful sunrise over the water.  I’m sure Renee and Katie got sick of me interrupting our conversation to exclaim, “Oh look at that sunrise! Look at that view! I wish I had my camera!” 😉 We were even surprised at one point by a deer crashing through the brush right next to us!

I didn’t have my camera while we were running, of course, but if you read my blog regularly, you know I couldn’t resist going back to the trail after we finished to take a few shots. 😉

Despite my extreme disappointment in the run itself, I had a great time, and I’m so very glad I did it.  When I woke up Saturday morning, I was tired from the poor night’s sleep and still emotionally a bit unglued. I know I would have rolled right back over and gone to sleep had I not made the commitment to my friends.  I am so very grateful to Renee and Katie for agreeing to run with me, because just as these ladies have supported me all throughout these last nine months of running, they truly supported me on Saturday just by being there and running with me for the whole 5.5 miles through one of my worst runs.

I know there will be better runs together in our future, where I am feeling better and more confident in my ability to “hang” with them, but no matter what, I know that we will always have fun together, no matter whose pace we’re keeping! 🙂