Let me eat cake…

…because, when given the opportunity, I will! 😀

So, you might wonder what have I been doing the last two weeks. Working on a hockey video, obviously, but I was also trying to maintain my somewhat healthy lifestyle. And, more importantly, I was trying to get back into running.

I have really been struggling these last five and a half weeks with not running. I really had no idea just how ingrained running had become into my way of life. As I started to slowly build it back in, I couldn’t believe how much I looked forward to it. Yes, even the 5 AM runs! 😉 There really is a sense of accomplishment that you get when you run and prove to yourself just how much your body can do. Unfortunately, when your body fails you, your sense of accomplishment can pretty quickly lead to a sense of defeat. I’ve really struggled with trying to overcome that sense of defeat and depression. I think the biggest issue for me is realizing that even though my mind and heart may believe that I can do anything, my body doesn’t necessarily agree.

When I was training for my half marathon, I used to tell people that I was going to “try” running a half marathon. But the truth of the matter is, in my mind, there was absolutely no “trying” about it: I would run that half marathon. Period. End of story. There is simply no such thing as quitting in my mind, especially when it comes to something like that. No matter what I told other people, I never ever gave credence to the fact that I might not do it.

And then I hurt my knee.

I cannot even tell you how hard it was for me to accept the fact that I couldn’t run the half marathon that I had set out to do as my goal. Even now, I still have a hard time believing that April 13 came and went and I didn’t run a half marathon. My one year anniversary of running was April 15, and I didn’t even remember. That’s how depressed I was about not running my half marathon.

But now, I’m finally to the point where I’ve come to accept the fact that it’s okay that I didn’t accomplish a goal, because I’m finally starting to realize that there will be other goals, and that, in the long run, this one missed goal isn’t going to make or break me. In fact, it may just very well make me stronger.

So that’s what I’ve been doing the last couple of weeks… thinking about all these things. And, more importantly, I’ve actually been running! I’ve run about six times the last couple of weeks, and each time I get a little bit better. My knee still hurts after a couple miles, but I’m getting to the point now where I can run and it just kind of aches, without being a sharp, unpleasant pain. On Saturday, the day of DS#2’s hockey party, I not only didn’t pull an all-nighter, I got up at 6am and ran six miles before getting back to the video! I felt very accomplished doing that, since my last video not only required an all-nighter, but also forced me to miss my planned eight-mile run. (In the back of my mind, I feel like that deviation from my training program was one of the factors in my knee injury, though that’s probably just my guilt-ridden imagination talking.)

On Monday and Thursday of this week I ran 4 miles without stopping for a stretch break… progress! Monday’s run was especially notable, because it on the road. Ever since my first issue with my knee back when I was trying to run 9 miles for the first time, I’ve been afraid to run too far away from my house, because I’m worried that I’ll get stranded with this knee that won’t take another step, and I won’t have a way to get home. Monday, I finally decided I had had enough of running on the treadmill or running just a half a mile down and back.

It felt so good to be out there and running on my road again, even though it hurt at times.

Tomorrow will be a big day, because I’m going to do 7 mile run for the first time since I hurt my knee. I think I’ve only run 7 miles maybe three or four times at most, so this is a pretty long run for me. Last week I did 6 miles, but it was four on treadmill and then two on the road, and I required a couple of stretch breaks during that run. I don’t know how I’ll l fair tomorrow, and I’m not even sure where I’m going to do it. Part of me says I should just stay in my neighborhood, and run three and half miles down and then 3 1/2 back. But another part of me wants to conquer this fear of running somewhere other than by my house. So I’m toying with the idea of going to the local Metropark. I’m even toying with the idea of going back to the “scene of the crime,” to see if I can master those hills. Boy, that’s a scary thought… right now I’m not sure I’ll ever associate that Metro Park with anything other than pure misery at this point.

Tomorrow, for the first time in many weeks, there is nothing going on in our lives! So I can actually run and then come home, put my knee up and rest. No hockey games, no baseball games, no birthday parties, no hockey parties, nothing! My house is clean, and I’ve already started the laundry. So I have no excuse to do anything other than rest after my run! I think the last time I was able to do that was after my very first 2-mile run…back when I considered two miles to be a “long” run. 😉

So, anyway, that’s where I’m at right now. If you’re wondering what cake has to do with anything, well, besides the fact that it’s fun to talk about cake, I actually did have some today.

Today at my work, we had a big celebration for a big sales number that we hit this month. I was asked to take pictures at the celebration, which is actually my second time in two weeks that I’ve been asked to take pictures of a celebration at work. It’s kind of funny, because suddenly I have become the unofficial company photographer, ha ha.

Anyway, like all work celebrations, there was cake. A few weeks ago, that would’ve absolutely thrown me for a loop, because I do like cake, but I haven’t been exercising enough to work it off. Thankfully, this week I have already run 10 miles. Ten miles!! So not only did I get to take pictures of the cake, I actually got to EAT the cake. I only had a small piece, and they had fruit too, so I had plenty of that as well. But it felt good just to eat cake and not feel guilty.

I’m going to go to bed, because I am exhausted after 4 hockey games in 3 days (during the week, not on the weekend!). I’ll be getting up early and running 7 miles tomorrow, so I need my rest. Notice I didn’t say I’ll be “trying” to run 7 miles. I WILL be running 7 miles! Good thoughts are appreciated, and I will let you know how it goes! No, let me rephrase that. I will let you know how AWESOME it goes! 😉

Thanks for reading!